This is the part of the site where members of the kru can have their say. Basically each month one member of the Kru takes over this page, putting whatever they want on here. If you want to appear here e-mail me. Previous Rants (the legal bit) Just remember all views on this page are those of the contributer and don't neccesarilly reflect those of the Beanokru or its members. A rant from Beano, |
This is the part of the site where members of the kru can have their say. Basically each month one member of the Kru takes over this page, putting whatever they want on here. If you want to appear here e-mail me. Previous Rants (the legal bit) Just remember all views on this page are those of the contributer and don't neccesarilly reflect those of the Beanokru or its members. A rant from Beano, |
In the past I've sometimes begun a rant with a sentence like, "This isn't really a rant". This is not the case this time. I want to make it 100% clear this is a rant and nothing else. What you cry, could have offened me so deeply. The answer is modern art. The concept doesn't offend me, if someone wants to have a shit in the corner and then even weierder people want to come and look at it, then let them. What shouldn't happen is then they get £10,000 for this. An example. I was recently reading the paper and came across a story about modern art. Apparently a gentleman called Andre Stitt (that Stitt, not shit, although that would be one way of describing his art. Come to think of it he would probably be quite flattered by that) has been given £12,200 by the Arts Council for a series of stunts, the first of which is to kick an empty takeaway curry carton down a street in Bedford, it's called White Trash Curry Kick and apparently tackles the issues of 'personal-societal dysfuction.' Bollocks! This is some bloke, all be it quite a bright one, taking the Arts Council for a ride. Other recent projects to get state money include forming a scrum in the middle of Oxford Street to disrupt the flow of pedestrains (cheers guys) and a video where an artist sews blocks of wood to his feet. Now just stop for a second, what the hell are they doing for this money. Okay so its not millions, I doubt it would buy any incubators or whatever, but who is this actually for? The Arts Council claims much work goes into prepartion and research, which I'd argue with. Here's an idea the Arts Council give me £25 I then go out and get pissed and then spew. The solids represent the land, the liquid respresents the oceans and the carrots represent the people, proving we are all in fact carrots and should treat everyone else as such. I'm also sure if I was pissed I could think of something much more 'creative'. In the article one artist goes on to say "the public should just get stuffed". Yes perhaps we should and take public money with us. A director of one gallery says "it is not a question of whether or not anyone outside that (activity) sees it as art. It is a question of his own view." Does this mean anyone can get a grant, as long as they believe what they are creating is art. It doesn't have to appeal to anyone else. If people want to spend their own money and time on these projects fair enough, but surely they shouldn't get public money. On a completly unrelated topic, but one I feel must be addressed, I was in Waterstones a few days ago (yes I can read), when I noticed someting odd, it was a sign, a sign for stairs. This I thought odd as the stairs in question were a huge staircase in the middle of the shop and the aforementioned sign appeared above them. There is of course nothing inherently wrong in this, in factmost people would say it is a nice gesture by Waterstones, explaining to those customers who might be a tad confused by the presence of a staircase. Anyway now I was 100% clear exactly what they were and had sort clarification on how to use them, I descended to the basement floor. I looked around for a bit and made my way back to the stairs and low and behold what should I find hanging from the ceiling above the staircase, yes you've guessed it, a sign for stairs. Let me reming you, this wasn't some pokey little staircase, it was in the middle of the shopfloor and must have been 8ft wide. What made it more alarming then the first time was this was downstairs. The only way to get downstairs was via these very stairs. I don't think a sign directly above a staircase is going to be a great deal of help to anyone who goes downstairs, browses for a while and then forgets how they got there and is unable to fathom a feasable way to get back upstairs. My point is the signs didn't put themselves there (at least I presume), someone has thought about this and designed it into the building. It got me thinking, first of all I have too much time on my hands and really should get out more and secondly how many other sings exit which really serve no purpose. Now I know a lot are there for legal reasons, so when some moron lacerates his elbow on an orange peel, the 'offending' orange company don't get sued. However others just seem tobe there for the sheer hell of it. One example is really the opposite of the stair sign, in that it is quite useful but everybody knows better and completly ignores them. I am of course referring to push and pull signs. I would estimate companies spend literally tens of pounds per years on little plaques with 'push' or 'pull' on them. yet people around the country are still walking into doors because they just don't notice them. I really wish I could think of some deep meaning to this but... And then the Irishman jumps out of the window. Ha,ha,ha! After that light interlude back onto the serious business. I have moaned in the past about the parasites that are your 'no win, no fee' Scam Direct companies and this is partly related to them. I'm talking about the number of people with clipboards on a High Street near you. 'No win, no fees' are one of the worst offenders. You know how it goes "excuse me sir, have you had an injury in the last year?" reply: "I'll give you an injury if you don't stop pestering me!" And why do they dress up like they work in McDonalds, fleece and baseball cap, these people supposedly represent a legal firm. Anyway I have become sidetracked, my point is the sheer number of people trying to sell you something, ask you questions, financially cripple you or asking you to give to charity. This last point you may find harsh, after all it's for charity. However I'm sure these tactics might actually put people off giving. I'm not talking about putting money in a tin or buying a Big Issue, what annoys me is people trying to get you to sign up for direct debits on the street. I wouldn't give my bank details to anyone else standing on the High Street and charities are no different. Of course they try to make you feel guilty, saying someting along the lines of "Do you care about starving orphan Rhodesian Blue Yellow Elephant Squirrels?" To which I think you don't want to hear it, but I'm not scared to say it and reply "not enough to give £5 per month." I suppose charities are just trying to keep up with other 'businesses", but at the same time they are probably annoying quite a few people. However it is not all bad news, there are ways to avoid such hassle. I have so far devised two ways in which to do this, although I'm sure there are many more for inventive types. The first I call the 'don't fuck with me look'. As the name suggests the basic premise of this technique, is any person on the minimum wage isn't going to risk their lives by trying to sell you something. The key to this is to try to look like you are having a very bad day. Adopt an angry expression, messed up hair, red face, throbbing vein in forehead if possible. You must also walk very quickly and if someone so much as looks in your direction, give them a look which suggests today is not a good day and a series of pointless questions could be the thing which pushes you over the edge. The second approach is perhaps even more likely to work, although it is potentially embarrasing. This is the 'crazy look'. Basically walk down the street chattering loudly to yourself, with a crazy look in your eyes, this works particularly well if you can make your eyes go in different directions. So in conclusion if you want to really piss me off. Approach me in the High Street trying to sell me something, with a big sign above your head announcing this is a modern art project and when I punch you in the head go and sue me. |
